The train goes into the tunnel....
what's annoying me today?
People who use their laptops on the BART.
Sure, they're relatively few in number now.
But it's a problem that's only going to get worse if we don't stamp on it.
Or at least attempt to spill coffee on it.
It's not so much the laptop usage that bothers me.
It's the fact that they all but setup office, arrange a selection of action figures on the back of the seat in front, settle down for an exciting session of computer programming, then look at you with a mixture of pain and disbelief because it's your stop and you want to get off.
We're not asking you to vacate a conference room that you booked on Outlook. It's my stop and I want off.
Then there's this look of protective angst, as you have to manouver your ass past their fancy new iBook, which they clutch like it was their first-born, wrapped in bacon, in the presence of pitbulls.
If you didn't want me to dry hump your new laptop as I'm clambering over you, don't balance "the precious" on your lap when there's a station every 2 minutes once we hit the city, mactards.
Just put the thing away.
I suspect they'd be happier if you Instant Messaged them that it was your stop.
Because lets face it, that's the preferred form of public interaction for the lesser spotted mactard.
The only thing that annoys me more than people with laptops on the BART?
People making out on the BART.
Laptops seem to be a morning thing.
If you're taking home BART at night, however, you run the risk of having to avert your gaze from the occasional couple who are, apparently, insanely aroused by the very fact that they're on public transport.
It was not that long ago that I was forced to witness the horror of a bimbo/himbo couple having a tickle fight.
Get a room. One with wheels and sliding doors doesn't count.
Is it something about the vacant despair of people traveling back and forward to soul-destroying jobs that makes some people so horny they have to lick each other's faces?
What do these people do when they want to get really turned on?
Put on Shindler's List and fast-forward to the bits with trains?
"Oh, darling, there's just something about transport and human misery that gets me so very fucking hot"
Have these people seem too many old movies where sex is implied by waves crashing on the beach and a train rushing into a tunnel?
Because that's a metaphor for sex, not a serving suggestion.
It's all fine, till one night she comes home and catches him reading Thomas The Tank Engine.
"Nothing my arse, that's child pornography!"
That said, I was on BART a while back and there were two lesbians, obviously on a date. They looked a little drunk, and one of them was giving the other the full Scott Peterson "with this rose,,. I'll stroke your face" Amber Frey treatment.
And so they remained, on the very cusp of making-out for several stops.
Not that I was craning my neck at a really uncomfortable angle to watch or anything.
At that point I realized how lucky we are to live in the Bay Area. A place where people can feel free to be themselves, love whoever they want to love, and celebrate their individuality.
And more to the point I realized that as much as I hate people making out on the BART, there's one exception to every rule